So I currently have no job, no classes, and I have no idea where my life is heading. So at the end of the school year, I gave my boss my notice that I was not going to be back in the fall because I needed to find a job that was going to pay me more and I would be able to get benefits with. I will be twenty-six in February which means I will no longer be under my dad’s. So I have been looking all summer and I haven’t found anything yet. And on top of that, I never received my bill for my classes for the fall semester and I never received an email letting me know when tuition was due, so I figured I had more time. Well I was wrong and I lost all my classes and they are already full. So at this moment in time, I feel like my life is falling apart. I don’t think I am doing anything productive with my life. The only income I have is the couple times I babysit, which is not enough money to pay the bills and fill up my gas tank.
If you asked me when I graduated high school where I would be when I was 25 I would have guessed I would be a college graduate, working, and not living with my parents. But right now I feel like my life is going nowhere and I have no idea what I am doing. So do I focus on school or do I find a job? I just hate the way my life is going. I don’t feel successful and I have nothing to look forward to in my life. I have applied for two jobs and didn’t get interviews and I have another application sitting on my desk that I need to send today. When I look on my Facebook or Instagram people my age is working, done with college, married, and then there is me who has nothing right now. And I know I have a bed to sleep in and food to eat, but this is not the way I wanted my life to go. I am sitting here with tears running down my face not sure what is going to happen next. I try to think positive and know that sometimes life doesn’t go the way you hoped, but sometimes I just have these break downs where I don’t know what to do.
The next day.
I have been looking for jobs and I think I have two classes versus the five I was going to take. It’s something. I hate having those break downs like I had yesterday writing the first part of this post. Some days are better than others when it comes to being positive about where my life is going. All I can do continue to try and move forward with my life.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to post this blog because I was writing what I was actually feeling on Monday. These were the actual thoughts that were going through my mind and I am not a very open person with my feelings, but I am trying and this post is one that I am glad I am going to post. Today I am feeling a lot better; it’s just rough having those days.
xox cassie karin